In a perfect world, this is the part of the blog where I’d talk about all the adventures the Fat Hound and I are having. I’d share recent stories about funny or adorable or infuriating things he did. We’d all chuckle together, or cry together.
At any rate, the point of the blog – yes, the very soul of FatHoundDog.com – would be reaffirmed. My life would have meaning.
But this is not a perfect world. This is, in fact, a cruel and heartless world. A world without liberty or justice or fairness. I have nothing but a bleak, cold, hound-less existence. My heart has grown cold. Shriveled.
Yes, friends, there is a terrible evil at work. A terrible, horrible, awful evil of which I dare not speak for fear of swift, violent retribution.
No…I’ll chance it! I’ll throw caution to the wind! I’ll do it for the innocent victim of this clash between good and evil: my sweet, darling hound.
It may shock you to learn that Rocketman is being held captive, against his will, by two nefarious evil-doers in the rotten state of New Jersey. To throw them off my trail and protect myself from their wrath, I must avoid using their real names. Instead I will refer to them as “Mom” and “Dad.”
These two fiends, disguised as my parents, are holding my dog hostage until such time as I agree to – I can barely stomach the thought – leave Pittsburgh and return to Jersey. Nevermind that I am an adult person! Nevermind my job! Nevermind that they’ve had Rocky for years and it’s somebody else’s turn to bask in his glory! Nevermind that he’s getting older and our time is short.
It’s madness, I tell you. Madness and selfishness and just plain wrong! Wrong wrong wrong!!!!
Sign the petition to free Rocky! Come to the side of lightness and purity! Give Rocky the happiness he deserves!
